27 February 2011

Once Upon a Time In Mexico, Chapter 1

Time/Date: 2050 CST, 27-Feb-11
Location: Estado de Guerrero, Mexico

My pocket-sized Latin American Spanish phrasebook did not have the following useful phrases:
  • "I'm sorry, sir, but I am not smuggling a weapon. It is a fly-tying vice. If you sit tight for 8 minutes, I can tie you up a Clouser Deep Minnow."
  • "I do not wish to drink Dos Equis, as it is the beer of douchebags back home."
  • "Do I receive Aeroplan miles for this hotel stay?"
  • "Your food looks very tasty, but I'm worried it will give me the shits."
  • "Kidnapping me will embarrass us both. I'm not wealthy, and the food costs of keeping me will be higher than any ransom you will receive."
  • "Would you by chance know how to whip-finish this Clouser Deep Minnow?"
  • "Do you know Salma Hayek? I have a friend that thinks she is cute."
  • "I pray to Jesus you have more toilet paper than this."




2 comments:

Crash said...

Hold on, now...I don't mind Dos Equis; am I now a douchebag? Am I not interesting enough to drink it? Too interesting?....*sigh*

Unknown said...

Oh, silly Crash, you take things too easily to heart. Just saying there are better, non-douchey & non-gringo-y beers out there. Like Pacifico.

And you're just interesting enough. Honest.