Confession of a Southern Wannabe

Time/Date: 2035, 30-Jan-12
Location: not the South

Today was a good day for receiving the mail, even though the repeated banging on the door caused Awesome the Dog a few freakouts.

All in the same day, I received my FFF membership package, the new Orvis catalogue (even though I requested not to be sent it; I work in an authorized Orvis fly shop), the new TFM redfish hoodie, and a cap from Southern Culture on the Fly.

My Southern apparel collection grew a bit today...

Some might ask, "Why would you get a redfish hoodie & a hat from some southern fly fishing e-mag? You're from Atlantic Canada."

An easy, and partly true, response would be, "I respect what they do & wish to support them."

But really, the whole truth is...I (not-so) secretly want to be a Southerner.

That's right.

I'm a southern wannabe.

This goes beyond my affinity for hot sauce & chicken wings, people, so why don't y'all just grab yourselves a tasty mint julep and set yourselves down & hear me out?

My main issue is this little tidbit right here.

It's called weather.

Here's the weather here at home for the next few days (note: I converted from Celsius for y'all):

Fredericton, NB

And now a few selected locales in my wannabe-adopted homeland:

Charleston, SC

New Orleans, LA

Islamorada, FL

What you don't see in the extended forecast for Fredericton is a stick-figure with a noose around his neck on Wednesday.

Then there's the whole fishing thing.

I'm not necessarily shitting on the fishing scene here in NB. I mean, it's alright. But the season opens April 15th (May 1st on lakes/ponds), and closes Oct.15th...or Nov. 30th on tidal water, if you're brave enough to handle it.

And if you break it down into some sort of spreadsheet-thingy (Table 1A), the scales tip a little more to fishing in the South.

Table 1A: Ummm, yeah...it isn't that bad here...

And it's not like I haven't been there before; heck, I even brought some reds to hand before some of your own have (you know who you are...):

It was only 3 days, and it left a serious impression on me.

I've been calling myself a semi-retired country gentleman for almost two years now...how much more epic would it be if I could replace 'country gentleman' with 'Southern gentleman?' That's almost worth the price of admission right there.

Other random positives about the south:

• Open liquor laws: here in NB, get caught with open booze, it's a fine of over $85. From what I saw in NOLA, the police officers cheers you.
• It appears the Antiques Roadshow comes through regularly. This would make my lovely girlfriend quite happy.
• Going to see if Hazzard County really exists sounds far more appealing than visiting the Shivering Songs Festival (no offence to Shivering Songs, but 'shivering' doesn't sell me).
• Barbecue is a way of life & state of mind. Here, barbecue ranges from common novelty (summer) to ordeal (winter).
• My blossoming bass bug skills would be appreciated more there than here.
• Running from a hurricane sounds more fun than sitting through a blizzard.
• I could use being there as an excuse to listen to Willie Nelson more often.

So, my southern readers, I'd be properly honoured if y'all would consider harbouring a northern illegal alien...and his lovely girlfriend...and his adorable dog...and quite possibly a few other northern refugees that might pass through next winter....

This northerner wants to wage a war of aggression...against being cold, bored & fishless all winter...

And I even have the southern rock thing down...sort of...  Enjoy the track:

PS - Mom, Dad, I'm not really moving to the south. At least, not yet...