I hope everything is going super for you, Mrs. Claus, the elves & the reindeer. Hopefully we normal humans haven't f**ked everything up in the North Pole for you due to our greedy ways & our blatant disregard for climate science.
I've been a damn good boy this year, so I was hoping I could get a few presents for Christmas from you. I know the list might look daunting, but Jeebus, man, you can fly around the world in a single night while delivering toys to all the good little boys and girls...and hopefully lumps of coal to arseholes like this.
So, without further ado, here's my Christmas wish list that I hope you bring, Santa:
1. Governments to govern for the people. They will create sustainable policies based on the best scientific and socioeconomic data available, as well as common sense. In this gift, they would also stop playing partisan politics, reduce the amount of influence corporate lobbyists have, and stop preying on the fear & ignorance of the populace to get elected.
2. Businesses, big & small, to incorporate triple bottom line accounting in their business practices. This will give us a better world today, and leave an even better world for future generations. Companies can have profits while helping people and the planet. Look at Patagonia, for an example.
3. The end to the combination of apathy and needless consumption by the people. This doesn't need further discussion. This gift has an accessory called "stop paying attention to bullshit reality TV" that I would really like, too, if you have room in your toy sack.
4. News media to stop broadcasting the news of idiots, i.e., the Kardashians and all these other mindless reality TV shitheads. Bring an impartial broadcast of the current happenings of the day around the globe. Stop stirring up shit. Stop glamourizing shit. And, for the love of (insert chosen deity here) and all that is holy, douchebags aren't news. It shouldn't even be entertaining to people.
5. If you're able to get the first four things on my list, Santa, then truly you are a great and all-powerful Santa. Then you shouldn't have too much trouble to get the elves to slap this together:
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| Wish List Item #5: Maverick 17 HPX Micro |
So that's it. It's not too much to ask for, is it Santa? I mean, look at how good I was this year.
I promise to keep being a good boy next year, too. When you come visit me on Christmas Eve, I will have a plate of fresh homemade cookies ready for you. Yes, that's right, I've been baking like a pimp lately, so it won't be a problem to whip up a batch of those tasty calorie bombs.
Thanks for everything, Santa; I just know you'll make my Christmas really awesome!
Sincerely,
Mat
PS- Next summer, when you're on vacation, come visit & I'll take you fishing. I'll cut you a real good rate for my guiding fee. Just leave the reindeer at home, though. We have idiot poachers all around this place.
5 comments:
Dear Mattie, (I used to call you Mattie when you were a young lad.)I'm working hard getting ready for Christmas. Everyone here is fine, thank you for asking.
I do have one little small problem so forgive me for being blunt. I hope you don't talk to your mother like this. The language is a little rough don't you think? My elves periodically read my mail when I get overloaded. But if you promise to clean up your act, I'll do what I can to bring you what you want this year.
Keep a good thought...Santa
Dear Santa,
What he said.
Mike
If Santa can't deliver on this list then he should probably just stay home for the Holidays ~
Santa-Howard, Christmas was never rated G in my family. F-bombs galore, as well as my all-time favourite Christmas expression: "Well that puts the Christ back into Christmas now, doesn't it?" after someone else got an earful of the above-mentioned F-bombs. And I wouldn't trade it for anything :)
Good job Mat, I really did enjoy it!
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